Yom HaZikaron, literally “Remembrance Day,” honors those who have fallen in battle to create and defend the modern State of Israel and those civilians who have died in terror attacks. They number more than 25,000 soldiers and 5300 civilians as of this year, and that number grows with a sorrowful regularity.

Devorah Kay, who made aliyah from South Africa in 2020, spoke specifically of one of those fallen at the Jewish Federation of Greater Portland’s commemoration of Israel’s Memorial Day the evening of Monday, Apr. 20, at the Mittleman Jewish Community Center: her second son, Eli Kay, z”l.

Kay was the first of his family to relocate to the Jewish state; Immediately following his graduation from high school in 2016, he left Johannesburg and became an Israel Defense Forces paratrooper. His brothers followed him, and with his sister planning to do so, his parents made the move amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. Just 11 months after his parents’ arrival in Israel, Kay was shot and killed in a terrorist attack in Jerusalem’s Old City Sunday, Nov. 21, 2021. Four others were wounded and the gunman, a Hamas-affiliated Palestinian man from East Jerusalem, was killed by police.

“My story tonight is not only about loss. My story tonight is about life,” Devorah Kay said. “My story tonight is about choices that myself and my family have made. My story is about honoring Eli’s legacy.”

She recalled being informed of Eli’s dead by her eldest son, who had just gotten married. She recalled her own words at hearing the news – “We will be ok” – and her husband’s – “Baruch Dayan HaEmet,” a Hebrew phrase which translates to “Blessed is the True Judge” and is traditionally uttered after being informed of someone’s death.

“Those two phrases, mine and his, became our path forward,” Kay told an audience of hundreds at the MJCC. “Words spoken in darkness, not knowing what they meant, but choosing to trust.”

More than 17,000 people attended the funeral the following day. Thousands more made their way up the steps to the Kay’s apartment for shiva, the seven-day mourning period following the funeral. The public outpouring had a profound impact on Kay.

“One of the first interviews I had during the week of shiva was from an Israeli newspaper. And they said to me, ‘So when are you leaving?’ I said, ‘Leaving? Where would I be going?’” Kay recalled. “They said, ‘But you’ve just had this happen to you.’ And I said, ‘Yes, that’s why I’m staying. Do you see what you’re witnessing around our home?’”

“This is our home,” she added.

A home thousands have died to defend; lives that were remembered that day. Chabad of Hillsboro Rabbi Menachem Rivkin spoke of one, Shauli Greenglick, z”l, killed in battle in December of 2023.

“People often ask, ‘Why does G-d take the best people?’ But maybe it’s not the right question. G-d does not take them. They give, they choose, they step forward, they run toward danger, they sacrificed. They put their personal dreams aside,” Rabbi Rivkin said.

Another such soldier was Shir Eliat, z”l, who was killed on Oct. 7, 2023.

“Shir did not think of herself first. Even in her final moments, she was protecting others,” Jacob Magnezi said of her. “This is who she was: a leader, a guardian, a source of courage and heart. We mourn the life she did not get to live, the future that was stolen from her, but we also hold on to what she gave to this world; her smile, her spirit.”

Others were remembered alongside them: Karin Shwarcman, z”l, killed at the Nova Music Festival, Hillel Yakkov, z”l, killed in combat with the IDF’s Golani Brigade in Lebanon in 2024, Amir Khouri, z”l, an Arab Israeli police officer killed attempting to stop a terrorist attack in B’nai B’rak in 2022, and Beneiya Naftali-Ruevel, z”l, a paratrooper killed in combat in Gaza in 2014.

Earlier in the evening, Kay spoke of living in Israel as being part of something bigger than oneself. It’s something her family continues to embody as they manage the Eli Kay Vineyard in the Negev, which serves as a recovery center for those affected by post-traumatic stress. It’s something everyone mentioned in Portland Monday evening, and every one of the more than 31,000 killed by war or terror in modern Israel, were a part of.

“For all of us, it is embracing this land with all its complexities,” Kay said, “not only as a place to live, but as a mission to fulfill.”